I have been AWOL these last few months because I have not been able to access WordPress at all. It is technically banned in China so I have to use my VPN and that doesn’t always work. Regardless I feel like a regular blog is a good choice to get back in the groove.
One of the main things that I have noticed in China is that people don’t like to be alone. Girls hold hands with other girls because it makes them feel like they are part of a group.
To me this is interesting because I enjoy being independent to a degree. I have noticed that my personality has changed a lot since I got here because I am trying to adapt to the massive change in culture. I often wait hours to eat just so I have someone to go with. Or I will skip doing things at all because I don’t want to be alone.
But I realized a few weeks ago after talking to my mom that I need to push myself so that I can remain as independent as I was in America so when I come back it won’t be too weird to be American in America again.
Also because I feel like I am missing out on so many possible adventures. That is why twice a week I do something by myself. I get on a public bus and go somewhere new or somewhere I haven’t been often and explore. It seems a waste of such a great opportunity to sit at home waiting for someone else.
I think that had I stayed in America that I would have developed this way too because it is part of the cycle of relationships. I was with someone for a long time and always had a partner for my adventures but now I have to go it alone. It is scary sometimes because I question what people think of me, but in China people are going to stare and judge regardless so why not?
I have read a lot of people’s blogs about how travel changes you and to a degree I believed it but in just three short months I am finding myself changed more then I could have ever projected. I have self-awareness that I don’t think I ever could have developed while comfortable and I am constantly defining my limits.
I think for me that China is the perfect place to do this because for once I feel really safe. I have never met someone who has been mugged, raped, or battered in anyway here. In addition people here are more trusting and respectful. Money is not hidden away deep in restaurants, but often just sitting out on the counter. People’s purses are left to save seats and people always donate to the poor.
I think that being in a country where this happens is showing me that while it is often nerve wracking that I am not fluent, it is very possible to travel and be safe. I know I have to be safe and be cautious but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy my time here.
I think that every person should have a moment like this, where he or she can sit and be alone in public without feeling left out or abandoned. Rather just be happy to be living in a moment where you can better understand yourself.
I am going to start writing again and maybe I will finally get pictures to load, but I won’t hold my breath.
